I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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