This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
