I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
