btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
