You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
