STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
