Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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