i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
