I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
