i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
