you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
