Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
