I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
