make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
