just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
