Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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