ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
