I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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