and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
