New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
