The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
