I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize