We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
