Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
