I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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