hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize