I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
