Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
