Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
