im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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