We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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