we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
