help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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