elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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