Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
