he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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