i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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