Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
