Need sex. Gaining weight.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
