You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
