just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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