How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
