she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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