If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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