My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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