Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
