Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.