i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.