can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
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He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.