i just had sex bonerless
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
