and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
