I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
