he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
