your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
