I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
