Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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