she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
