non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
