You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish you could order shots online.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
