it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
