Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
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$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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