We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
