the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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