Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
