I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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