I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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