You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
