I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
