Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
