where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
