i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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