well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Boobs speak an international language.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
