Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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