We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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