yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
