i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
