Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You don't make any sense
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