Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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