sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize