Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just invented taco cereal.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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