Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
