At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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