Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
