I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
