Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
