I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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