i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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