Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
