but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
