My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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