he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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