i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
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