things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
