So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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